Better To Never Kiss A Fish
The story in this song concerns a fisherman who caught a small dover sole, and then did what some anglers do, which is to kiss the fish. Unfortunately he was laughing with his mouth open when the fish wriggled out of his fingers, jumped into his mouth, and as he described it at the time, "swam down his throat", blocking his airway. Luckily a cool thinking paramedic saved his life by extracting the fish. In the news report it didn't say whether the fish survived the ordeal and although it is highly unlikely, in the interests of giving the story a happy ending, the fish survived.
As this is a fishy tale I make no apology for slipping in a few very corny fish jokes.
Chorus
Better to never kiss a fish
If you get the urge try to resist
It might jump in your mouth
Swim down your throat
And then you'll choke
It happened to a man the other day
He reeled in the one that didn't get away
It was a six inch Dover sole
He kissed it and laughed, then swallowed it whole
If your guitar goes out of key
A tuna could be the remedy
Who's that gunslinger with eight guns?
Billy the squid and he's on the run
chorus
Yes he opened his mouth and the fish jumped in
And the poor man almost jumped out of his skin
Then his chest gave a massive heave
As he discovered that he couldn't breathe
Fish are so clever, that's a fact
They swim in schools, never packs
Where does the goldfish keep his loot
In the river bank he's so astute
chorus
A cool paramedic saved the day
Retrieved the fish without delay
Then he put the fish back in the sea
Handling it so tenderly
Where do I find an Octopus with no legs
Where you left it the starfish said
The amorous cod was doing fine
Until he said “Your plaice or mine?”
chorus