SatNav Sally
I was an early SatNav adopter and had a really chunky SatNav which was too heavy to stay stuck to the screen, and so I propped it up in the corner of the dashboard. As a result couldn't see the black and white screen properly and so had to rely on the vocal instructions. These were often a little ambiguous and "Turn Left" was often a guessing game of which particular left turn to choose. Also, it was far less reliable than modern SatNavs as I often lost the satellite signal, particularly in built-up areas. There I was, totally lost, and the SatNav, or Sally as I came to call her, would announce "Acquiring Satellites". Once on the way back from Bromsgrove Folk Club I was driving around Dodd's Wood, after midnight, totally lost, no maps, with just the reassuring glow of Sally and her seductive voice urging me to do a U-Turn at my convenience. However, most of the time she got it right and even with her faults I came to accept her. Finally updating the maps became an issue and I bought a new one. This time it was lightweight and so I could set it up on the windscreen to see the map, it didn't lose satellites as often and it came in a variety of languages. For me the best was the French female voice .....
Well I’ve got a new friend
She travels with me every day
She keeps me on the straight and narrow
I’ve thrown my maps away
And if I disagree with her and try to go my own way
SatNav Sally speaks to me and this is what she says
Chorus
Recalculating, Honey, I think that you’ve gone wrong
Recalculating, Honey, I’ll get you back home
Safely back home
SatNav Sally never gets cross
No matter how much I disobey
She just keeps advising me
In her own special way
Left to my own devices she knows I would go wrong
So in a sexy sultry midnight voice she whispers “come on”
chorus
We went to the seaside
I thought it would be fun
I wasn’t really concentrating
When I heard her say straight on
I was touching 35 as we shot off down the pier
“Do a U-Turn at your convenience”, she whispered in my ear
chorus
We went for a drive in the countryside
And she took me down a narrow lane
Where we met a farmer with a shotgun
His eyes looked quite deranged
I was verging on hysterical as he fired his shotgun in the air
Sally said “I’m just acquiring satellites, then I’ll get us out of here”
chorus
SatNav Sally never gets lost
She knows her way around
She cruises on the motorways
And weaves all through the towns
And all the while she speaks to me I never feel alone
Whether I turn left or right I know she’ll get me home
chorus
Calcule encore Cherie, je pense tu t'es trompe
Calcule encore Cherie, je vais te rentre
Sain et sauf